Drowning
by labyrinth.of.my.mind
Summary: You once said that you wished you were a fish so that you could breath while you were drowning
1. Chapter 1

You once said that you wished you were a fish so that you could breath while you were drowning. I shrugged and asked you where you heard that. You said it was in some book you read a while back, but that it also applied to you. I didn't really understand what you were saying, and I never understood what you meant by it either. Now I do. Sure I knew that you felt so much pain watching so many pedophiles we encountered leave innocent men but I never realized that each time it was like a knife was ravaging a piece of you.I loved you so much, but in a different way than what most people called love. I didn't love you in that sort of way, I knew you too well. And I knew how hurt you would be if I couldn't always be there for you. But I didn't know that if I wouldn't love you in that way (even with the risks) you would think of me as the villain. I can always remember when you would look at me with so much emotion that I almost broke down from looking at you suffer. You were like a beaten puppy that had survived so much abuse that even though your heart was still beating it seemed as though it had stopped. But in the end you would always give me a little smile that made the sun shine a little brighter. Sadly like everything, it couldn't last. One day the smiles became just a little smaller and the eyes became trained on the floor. It was as if you were rejecting me and deep down I knew that you were. I couldn't give you what you wanted so you left. And now I know how you felt. I feel that need for you every day and night and it hurts. I feel like I'm drowning. I guess you made me into a small piece of who I am. But now I have to say good-bye Liv. You will always be there when I need you, I just have to look into my heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**I thank Omegia...for the support...this was actually be a oneshot but now I think i gotta plan. Please Reveiw winkwink.**

**By the way everyone has just gone on a holiday with me...they kinda got sick of Dickie and his cronies. And just so you know he'll get them back**

**I'll try to make the next chapter longer...but you know finals and crap. Oh Ya this is also before Ch. 1...and I'll probably keep it that way until the last Chapter. **

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The loquacious hum of passing street cars was like a spy stealing their conversation and revealing it to the public. You could hear the shrill of phones screeching at someone to pick them up and the ruffle of papers being turned. Murmured voices could be heard if you listened really closely but most people were subdued in their work. Her voice was harsh as she glared fiercely at those piercing eyes. They penetrated her like the way the sky can swallow up the sea. 

"What the hell do you mean El? Are you saying that the fuckin' sunofabitch should go free!" her voice was no more than a hiss, but that was worse than yelling. Now she sounded like an angry reptile…at least when she yelled she was human.

"No liv I'm not saying that, I'm saying that you should control your temper. And I'm also saying that we don't have enough proof that he's even the perp." His voice was calm, but his eyes flared. It seemed so backwards that he was telling her to control her temper. Usually she and Cragen would be up his ass about his temper.

"No El I know that he raped her. You can see it in his eyes, his posture and that stupid grin on his face. And you know it too…" she turned away from him and slumped down in her chair. He let one long sigh be emitted from his lips then sat down and went back to work.

"El, Liv he's her. Interrogation room number four," Cragen barked as his head peeked out from his office. they glanced at each other and both stood up pushing the previous conversation away.

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"I don't want a fucking lawyer 'cause I didn't do it," Jonathon said bluntly 

"Jonathon don't play games with me," Olivia narrowed her eyes and glared scathingly at him. "Tell me why the bloody knife had your finger prints all over it. YOU RAPED A SIX YEAR OLD GIRL, STABBED HER MULTIPLE TIMES AND THE LEFT HER ON THE TRAIN TRACKS TO DIE…AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU DIDN'T DO IT." She was panting now her face an inflated cherry and her fists were balls of fury ready to feel thecrunching of flesh.

"Woah Olivia…come on." Elliot forced her into the veiwing room and glared at her in the eye. "Stop Olivia, this isn't going to work. I know I'm one to be saying this but you have to control yourself. I know how you feel, but Liv you can't let the case get you so bad. C'mon you've done thousand of rape cases before and you can do this one to." She was slightly calmer now but the fire was still there.

"El I don't know if I can do this anymore. SVU or even any police work anymore. Sure i had my run atSVU and at computer crimes...butI don't know how much longer I can handle this. There's only pain here. And you."

**Time to Reveiw. **


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